First I'd like to say thanks for everyone not just taking the piss! 
Yeah you're exactly right, IBS is caused by stress, and certain foods does it for me as well (onions/garlic/mustard etc....). And IBS causes stress too, so it just goes round in circles tbh.
See I also thought small steps or one thing at a time would help, but as I said earlier, everything is interlinked, so it's near impossible to take small steps - it needs one massive change which would 'help' a lot of the issues. I had been trying to take small steps to change things over the last few weeks but nothings changed at all.
Well, we're not exactly 'close' as a family lol, I often go days without speaking to any of them. I have tried telling my Mum 'part' of the problem, but she doesn't understand at all and essentially just tells me to man up - not in those words though. As for my step-dad, well he's a scary Northerner so no I haven't said anything to him.
Irony is I sit at my Nans listening to them saying how boring, depressing and shit thier lives are because they can't go out or whatever, but I couldn't face telling them about my own problems tbh. Then again...they can't do much to help anyway.
I have got a few grand saved now, and I'm almost certain my Nan would help me out financially to start with - I've already turned down over £2k that she's offered me for cars and things within the last 6 months or so. I hate taking money from people but if it's gonna get me out then I would do it.
Yeah the IBS does worry me a lot because of that - I was 'lucky' when I went up to Norfolk a month ago that the drive went fairly smoothly, I was at a fairly constant anxiety level all the way - but I know if anything had gone wrong, if say the car had broken down I'd have been up shit creek, literally.
That kind of job does sound alright tbh, if you wouldn't mind PMing some details over that'd be much appreciated.
Well, I tried to blank out school as I hated it so much, I was always the weird loner kid...
I don't remember much about primary school tbf, but I remember I never really had a social life, my Dad was (well still is) a bellend and wouldn't let me go out much, even scaremongering me into staying out of the woods or the beach near our house because everything is apparently extremely dangerous...wonder where I get anxiety issues from.
I was also the only kid washing my hands all the time, and would never eat school dinners. Luckily school was only a mile away from home so didnt need to go to the loo there.
I do remember more about high school - an 8 mile bus ride away. At some point during the first couple of years there I started getting anxiety shits every morning. And massive anxiety issues, I was always scared at last lesson I'd miss the bus home, to the point where I was almost shitting myself. I also never ate anything at high school, or used the loo there - yes thats all day (8 hours) with no food or drink or toilet....Its not really a surprise my guts are so f*cked now. I'd also get proper panicky before PE, I'd feel so drained that I could barely walk let alone run around - I was shit at PE anyway, always getting moaned at for that too. Twice in astro football I took a ball straight to the face - massive nosebleed everywhere - so I was scared of astro football after that. Then in year 10 we had DPT jab - I passed out, scraped my face across the floor and got massive carpet burn - that scared me off needles ever since. By this point most of my schoolmates were out getting pissed, stoned, having sex, smoking behind the bikesheds....I was averagely doing school work, going home, TV, bed, get up, school...and that was the cycle, i never did anything exciting or teenagerish. So like that I didn't really have any mates there either, the only two mates I had lived 8 miles away so i couldn't see them even if I wanted to. By this point I was also scared to even look at a female let alone talk to one. Towards the end of year 10 I did work experience at a honda dealer, bad guts and anxiety shits again, but very long days and miles away so major anxiety issues, but I did manage to get through the two weeks, just. Then there was GCSEs in year 11 - well I'd honestly never felt so bad in my life - almost constant shits, frequent panic attacks, scared of everything, especially being stuck in a silent room for hours without being able to get the loo! - I swear it was the GCSEs that f*cked me up properly tbh. I did manage to pass all of the GCSes though, being average as usual, all A-D grades.
Went to college two days a week to do electrics course - had to get a lift with my mum 15 miles away - more anxiety shits before that - 3 times every morning, arse red raw and guts bad for the rest of the day. I passed out tapping threads into a conduit pipe in my second week cos I was that drained. Lunch time was ridiculous - I had to walk into town, go for a wee and wash my hands in the public loos in a shopping centre (wasnt always possible if there was other people there) and eat my packed lunch on a park bench alone. Until one day this gave me proper bad food poisoning, which lasted for nearly two weeks - I never had packed lunch after that - tbh it was probably a bug instead of food poisoning but my brain forced me to think it was the food. So I hated my time there as well, did pass with distiction at the end of the course though. The next year was a night course (we were supposed to get a trade job during the day...yeah right) but as it was in the evening I didnt get morning anxiety shits! They waited till the afternoon just as I needed to go out instead. At least I could drive by then though, so no waiting for lifts, and at break times i could sit in the car alone listening to the radio. But that really messed up the routine I'd had as it was in the evening.
Anyway, after I distinctioned that too I was in the same situation as now - couldn't do a proper job, didn't know what to do - chose to go back to college for a mechanics course. By then I was proper bad, this was shortly after I'd come so close to shitting myself in the car at cambridge. Anyway, managed a few weeks (going home at lucnh times for a poo and food) until it started happening where I was getting bad panic attacks or really bad gut feelings and had to leave class, could'nt face going back in afterwards so went home each time. Told my tutor about the issues and he was very understanding - but it got worse and more often, eventually I was spending all my time in the library doing work or in a car park (couldn't go home cos the 'rents would've known). Anyway I did manage to eventually get back into class, with both tutors understanding my issues - and they even helped me get the work experience at Ford, and I'll be honest I really enjoyed the work at college and Ford, it was just my own problems that made it difficult. Passed this course as well with triple distinction grade.
But now i've got no more 'easy' options, I need to get a job, can't go back to college again and this is where I've basically just got worse again.
So really I've missed out on being a kid, and being a teenager, and I'm fed up of missing out because of these problems now. Thought it'd get better...but it doesn't, things just progressively worse until you can see no way out.
But what will that achieve? My Mum obviously likes him - so nothing would change even if I told her.
Plus I really don't want to agrevate/upset her at the moment as shes currently waiting to have her gall bladder removed - I'd imagine she's got enough to worry about with that atm.
And theres no way I'd show her this thread - I've been typing it while they're out over the last few days so they don't come in and see it lol. I've also purposely not got an oc sticker on the car so she wouldn't be tempted to caome here and keep watch.
Theres already 2 bog rolls in my car lol, and a pair of trousers and boxers if I go on a long journey lol. But yeah I totally agree thinking about stuff makes it happen....the only time I get really stuck into something and forget about other issues is working on cars tbh.
I'm certain it is the home life causing problems, just need to work out how to get out!
Yes, you seem to have totally understood it, and that does seem like a better scenario if its possible - will be glad to know if you do think of something!
Already been to DRs. They put me on some pills - but I cant take them. I havent said yet in this thread but I have a major fear of being ill (mainly being sick) and my brain just wont let me take the pills because of the possible side effects.
They have also put me forward for CBT, this is the waiting list I'm on which is apparently several months long.
(03-12-2012, 09:37 AM)Jonny b Wrote: f*ck me!!
Firstly never think about topping yourself it isn't the answer and Is extremely unfair on those left behind!!
isn't ibs bought on by stress? The fact you constantly stress about everything can't be helping,
Instead of trying to do everything all at once! Baby steps Tom baby steps!!
You do need to get into a routine, getting up at a sensible time and get your mind on something that you want to achieve that day, something for YOU not anyone else, the whole stressing about who's in the bathroom is bollox tbh, you want to try living in my house, the fact that everything anyone says you always find negatives! Yes there is negatives in every situation which you seem to be really good at finding! But there are also positives,
I know a couple of people with ibs that lead normal lives and control the condition,
Fact of the matter is you only need to change one thing at a time, but you certainly need a dose of mtfu!! Sorry couldn't resist it lol
Have you spoke to your rents and the people around you, they could help you out a bit by understanding, ultimately it's never going to get any better unless you want and believe it will
Yeah you're exactly right, IBS is caused by stress, and certain foods does it for me as well (onions/garlic/mustard etc....). And IBS causes stress too, so it just goes round in circles tbh.
See I also thought small steps or one thing at a time would help, but as I said earlier, everything is interlinked, so it's near impossible to take small steps - it needs one massive change which would 'help' a lot of the issues. I had been trying to take small steps to change things over the last few weeks but nothings changed at all.
(03-12-2012, 09:38 AM)Niall Wrote: Tom you sound like you keep a lot to your self. Is your mum and step dad actually aware of half of your issues? Because from what you have just written there, they seem to be a big factor as to why you are how you are. Have you ever considered sitting down with them and basically saying I'm like this because.....
Obviously you still need out but it could be a short term fix while you get money together to move. If you don't think you can do it, you seem pretty close to your nans. Maybe you could have a chat with them and see what they say?
Also, to back up what Jonny says, never consider topping your self. It's a very selfish thing to do and it's also the cowards way out. You've put up with this for years and you've been offered counciling, albeit in a few months, so just battle on for them few months until you can get that help. Look how proud you were when you went to the doctors a few months back. Felt like the start to a new beginning? Just battle on and I'm sure they will help you as much as possible.
With regards to moving out, I don't want to shit on your parade but you won't do it without a job. Even if you had a few grand saved, you'd be lucky if it lasted a few months.
Well, we're not exactly 'close' as a family lol, I often go days without speaking to any of them. I have tried telling my Mum 'part' of the problem, but she doesn't understand at all and essentially just tells me to man up - not in those words though. As for my step-dad, well he's a scary Northerner so no I haven't said anything to him.
Irony is I sit at my Nans listening to them saying how boring, depressing and shit thier lives are because they can't go out or whatever, but I couldn't face telling them about my own problems tbh. Then again...they can't do much to help anyway.
I have got a few grand saved now, and I'm almost certain my Nan would help me out financially to start with - I've already turned down over £2k that she's offered me for cars and things within the last 6 months or so. I hate taking money from people but if it's gonna get me out then I would do it.
(03-12-2012, 09:50 AM)InkedMuttley Wrote: Can honestly sympathise with you there mate, I suffer with the same although my IBS is stress related (hence I literally shit myself when put in a stressful situation!) and my anxiety is a lady garden too for the last few months it's been almost crippling. It was fine for a long time after my last breakdown (nervous not vehicular...bunch of smart arses!) but the last few months it's kicked in overdrive especially since losing my job because of one of my customers. One thing that really helped me was my job...it kept me occupied gave me something which I enjoyed doing maybe you could try that?
Basically I was doing voluntary transport services for a charity but here's the catch...You claim 45p per mile (Sometimes you can claim a little more in exceptional circumstances) so say you did 500 miles in the month doing this you would be earning £225, so basically you're using say 10 gallons of diesel (average 50mpg for arguments sake) work it out 500 miles. 50mpg x 10= 500, Average price of a gallon on diesel £7.20 so for them 500 miles you've spent £72 but on that you will see a return of £153. The beauty of this type of work?
Because it's charitable you can do 10,000 miles a year UNTAXED. You pick your own hours and the bonus of it is it also teaches you some valuable skills when it comes to dealing with customers. And 9 times out of 10 it's usually people like your Nans that use the service for things like doctors, so usually local runs...And you work from your car so you are in a safe environment. How about something like that?
And as for the eating thing...I've worked at the farm for 2 years serving in the kitchens, and still nobody has ever seen me eat.
If you'd like me to explain a little more about it or want me to find you a local group near to you so you can start earning a bit of cash that way I'll be happy to PM you more info mate!
Yeah the IBS does worry me a lot because of that - I was 'lucky' when I went up to Norfolk a month ago that the drive went fairly smoothly, I was at a fairly constant anxiety level all the way - but I know if anything had gone wrong, if say the car had broken down I'd have been up shit creek, literally.
That kind of job does sound alright tbh, if you wouldn't mind PMing some details over that'd be much appreciated.
(03-12-2012, 10:05 AM)C.A.R. Wrote: Your procrastination of everyday events is at the core of many of your problems, but none of us a psychiatrists so we can't help much with that.
What I'm curious about is how you managed when you were at school / college. It can only have been 4-5 years ago which yes I know is around 1 quarter of your lifetime it should still be within memory!
Not being around people is a really sh*t thing, so whatever you can do to get out and about is a plus.
Well, I tried to blank out school as I hated it so much, I was always the weird loner kid...
I don't remember much about primary school tbf, but I remember I never really had a social life, my Dad was (well still is) a bellend and wouldn't let me go out much, even scaremongering me into staying out of the woods or the beach near our house because everything is apparently extremely dangerous...wonder where I get anxiety issues from.
I was also the only kid washing my hands all the time, and would never eat school dinners. Luckily school was only a mile away from home so didnt need to go to the loo there.I do remember more about high school - an 8 mile bus ride away. At some point during the first couple of years there I started getting anxiety shits every morning. And massive anxiety issues, I was always scared at last lesson I'd miss the bus home, to the point where I was almost shitting myself. I also never ate anything at high school, or used the loo there - yes thats all day (8 hours) with no food or drink or toilet....Its not really a surprise my guts are so f*cked now. I'd also get proper panicky before PE, I'd feel so drained that I could barely walk let alone run around - I was shit at PE anyway, always getting moaned at for that too. Twice in astro football I took a ball straight to the face - massive nosebleed everywhere - so I was scared of astro football after that. Then in year 10 we had DPT jab - I passed out, scraped my face across the floor and got massive carpet burn - that scared me off needles ever since. By this point most of my schoolmates were out getting pissed, stoned, having sex, smoking behind the bikesheds....I was averagely doing school work, going home, TV, bed, get up, school...and that was the cycle, i never did anything exciting or teenagerish. So like that I didn't really have any mates there either, the only two mates I had lived 8 miles away so i couldn't see them even if I wanted to. By this point I was also scared to even look at a female let alone talk to one. Towards the end of year 10 I did work experience at a honda dealer, bad guts and anxiety shits again, but very long days and miles away so major anxiety issues, but I did manage to get through the two weeks, just. Then there was GCSEs in year 11 - well I'd honestly never felt so bad in my life - almost constant shits, frequent panic attacks, scared of everything, especially being stuck in a silent room for hours without being able to get the loo! - I swear it was the GCSEs that f*cked me up properly tbh. I did manage to pass all of the GCSes though, being average as usual, all A-D grades.
Went to college two days a week to do electrics course - had to get a lift with my mum 15 miles away - more anxiety shits before that - 3 times every morning, arse red raw and guts bad for the rest of the day. I passed out tapping threads into a conduit pipe in my second week cos I was that drained. Lunch time was ridiculous - I had to walk into town, go for a wee and wash my hands in the public loos in a shopping centre (wasnt always possible if there was other people there) and eat my packed lunch on a park bench alone. Until one day this gave me proper bad food poisoning, which lasted for nearly two weeks - I never had packed lunch after that - tbh it was probably a bug instead of food poisoning but my brain forced me to think it was the food. So I hated my time there as well, did pass with distiction at the end of the course though. The next year was a night course (we were supposed to get a trade job during the day...yeah right) but as it was in the evening I didnt get morning anxiety shits! They waited till the afternoon just as I needed to go out instead. At least I could drive by then though, so no waiting for lifts, and at break times i could sit in the car alone listening to the radio. But that really messed up the routine I'd had as it was in the evening.
Anyway, after I distinctioned that too I was in the same situation as now - couldn't do a proper job, didn't know what to do - chose to go back to college for a mechanics course. By then I was proper bad, this was shortly after I'd come so close to shitting myself in the car at cambridge. Anyway, managed a few weeks (going home at lucnh times for a poo and food) until it started happening where I was getting bad panic attacks or really bad gut feelings and had to leave class, could'nt face going back in afterwards so went home each time. Told my tutor about the issues and he was very understanding - but it got worse and more often, eventually I was spending all my time in the library doing work or in a car park (couldn't go home cos the 'rents would've known). Anyway I did manage to eventually get back into class, with both tutors understanding my issues - and they even helped me get the work experience at Ford, and I'll be honest I really enjoyed the work at college and Ford, it was just my own problems that made it difficult. Passed this course as well with triple distinction grade.
But now i've got no more 'easy' options, I need to get a job, can't go back to college again and this is where I've basically just got worse again.
So really I've missed out on being a kid, and being a teenager, and I'm fed up of missing out because of these problems now. Thought it'd get better...but it doesn't, things just progressively worse until you can see no way out.
(03-12-2012, 10:19 AM)kentiiboii Wrote: Duuuudeeee.
Don't commit suicide as said its for cowards!
Your biggest problem I can tell is like nial said you keep everything to your self and its not good as you think everyone is against you including your parents.
If you don't feel comfatable with your stepdad there then just tell your mum. If you tell your mum what have you got to loose if your already planning on moving out. But she'll help you course she will.
Tell her everything don't held back. I you can tell us you can tell her!
Or just leave this page open on the laptop so she can read it!
I can't help with aniexty or Ibs as I've never experienced them. But just wait for counselling and speak to your rents!
But what will that achieve? My Mum obviously likes him - so nothing would change even if I told her.
Plus I really don't want to agrevate/upset her at the moment as shes currently waiting to have her gall bladder removed - I'd imagine she's got enough to worry about with that atm.
And theres no way I'd show her this thread - I've been typing it while they're out over the last few days so they don't come in and see it lol. I've also purposely not got an oc sticker on the car so she wouldn't be tempted to caome here and keep watch.
(03-12-2012, 10:27 AM)C2K Wrote: Hmmn. Took a while to read that but a few things make sense.
I've had problems with IBS in recent years, but I just try not to let it rule your life. If it means taking an extra pair of shorts with you and a toilet roll in the boot do it lol. OCD is easy to live with, just takes an understanding household which it sounds like yours isn't. My mrs didn't complain once when I had to take a slash every 20 minutes of the entire day whilst on holiday in Wales! The more you think about it, the more it does it - so you need to get it off your mind firstly.
I think, personally, your home life is causing half the problems. If you can't be honest with your own mother there's no hope of getting better at home. Had I been at home you'd have been welcome to be my car bitch for a week lol, would have proven to yourself that a stress-free environment is what you need.
Theres already 2 bog rolls in my car lol, and a pair of trousers and boxers if I go on a long journey lol. But yeah I totally agree thinking about stuff makes it happen....the only time I get really stuck into something and forget about other issues is working on cars tbh.
I'm certain it is the home life causing problems, just need to work out how to get out!
(03-12-2012, 10:33 AM)Ruan Wrote: ^^ This.
The root of nearly all these problems is the stress that is caused when you are at home, the fact that your OCD and IBS is set off and aggravated by stress means it'll simply never get better in the environment you're in... I haven't got any smart idea at the moment, but fear not, I'm thinking about it - you need some way of being in a stress free environment where you don't need to worry about what everyone else is thinking, you can get on with what you need to, you need a job close by - and also TELLING your boss about your problems, if it's somebody who actually cares about their employees, they'll understand and take you for who you are and understand... If they cannot understand and are not willing to make things easier for you, it's not the sort of place you want to work.
I think your next biggest step is trying to communicate the problems to the people who see you the most...
I am thinking about it bud...
Yes, you seem to have totally understood it, and that does seem like a better scenario if its possible - will be glad to know if you do think of something!
(03-12-2012, 11:04 AM)tsotd Wrote: MMMmmm
first things first you need to see/talk to your dr.
they will make you fill out a bit of paper to see what help (if any) you should get.
most likely they will put you forward for some CBT ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_b...al_therapy )
also give you some pills, im on Fluoxetine, 4 a day but you will most likely start on 1 and work your way up.
would be worth getting in contact with the shaw trust ( http://www.shaw-trust.org.uk/home ) as they can help with finding work/houseing/benifits
Already been to DRs. They put me on some pills - but I cant take them. I havent said yet in this thread but I have a major fear of being ill (mainly being sick) and my brain just wont let me take the pills because of the possible side effects.
They have also put me forward for CBT, this is the waiting list I'm on which is apparently several months long.