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So today I got really annoyed with being talked at and death-by-powerpoint and realised the amount of terms that annoy me at work. So does your work have any?
The big 2 for me are:
"In theory it's a good idea" = Its gonna fail miserably and we know it.
"Training Day" = We are going to waste 8 hours of your life telling you things you already know or could probably guess while seeing if its actually possibly to bore you to death.
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Touch base
And
Most of the made up office lingo that exists in the office environment
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"Im an engineer" we keep hearing that at work. Im a mechanic in a bike shop and customers always think theyre right, still have to bring it to us for the simplest thing though.
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Self employed ftw!
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Team Doesn't own a 306
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(13-01-2014, 09:41 PM)PE02KHG Wrote: "Im an engineer" we keep hearing that at work. Im a mechanic in a bike shop and customers always think theyre right, still have to bring it to us for the simplest thing though.
 I get that often.
"The fire officer said this".....The fire officer knows jack shit
"Its too loud".....Its a f*cking fire alarm, its not supposed to be quiet
"What the hell are you doing to my nan?!".....Sorry
Team Eaton
1999 China Blue 306 GTi6 - Eaton Supercharged - 214.5bhp 181lbft
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Thing I've noticed in past 2 years of working the doors
'I'm a cage fighter.'
'I'm a boxer..'
'I just come out of prison for murdering my step nans uncles sisters interbred cousin'
f*ck off seriously.
MG ZR TD+ - gone and easily forgotten
Fabia vRS PD130 - New daily
Astra H VXR - new toy!
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"Short term pain, long term gain" - This is a pain in the arse but your stuck with it mate
"See the big picture" - Your problems don't mean shit
"This is a real opportunity for you to progress and advance your skillset" - Here's some boring shit I can't be arsed to do, so you can do it
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13-01-2014, 10:15 PM
(This post was last modified: 13-01-2014, 10:16 PM by Danny Wideboy.)
While you're here could you just...
Also.
Iv'e got a nice little job for you...
I don't work in an office though,I'm a bricklayer.
Lovely weather we have been having.
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13-01-2014, 10:15 PM
(This post was last modified: 13-01-2014, 10:16 PM by 306carter.)
"Then we are singing from the same hyme sheet."
"End of chat"
"By hook or by Crook job needs to be done today"
"You've got 2 days on this so I want it doing right. But I need you to be finished today"
That's a Monday talk with my boss.
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"Can i have word" - You're in shit now...
"You must understand that evey individual.." - You must pretend that every child..
"Are you busy?" - Can you do my work for me
"You're a male in this environment..that's brave" - You do know every female here is chomping at the bit..
About sums it up
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"Now then pal, you on your lunch?"
"Yeah actually"
"Oh right. Anyway, I have a problem..."
"f*ck. OFF."
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"she'll be rite" - No it wont, do it properly!
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"Did you review the training package for this?" - You don't know f*ck all do you?
"I want you to ensure all your people buy into this" - Tell them to learn it or f*ck off down the Jobcentre!
"We've set this target as a stretch target just to see what's feasible, it's subject to change" I don't have the balls to tell you that this impossible target is what's expected because my boss says it's possible and shit rolls downhill...
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Customers...
It's real I've just printed it - I ain't believing shit.
Why do you need to check my notes - cos it might be fake!
*crouched down on floor* "save one for me while your down there*
#2 Moonstone Blue HDI
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"As much use as a chocolate fire guard"
This one gets mentioned a lot. It annoys me.
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"Now listen Dan.
He's an old customer, so take your time.
And f*cking hurry up."
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'Missed abit'
Been a decorator for 10+ years and I've never heard that before. Hilarious.
Team hand-painted-commercial Vehicle
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Not a phrase that annoys me but a customer will come in walk across 3 aisles to find a member of staff to ask them where something is which is on the first aisle they walked down to get to me.
If they'd of been bothered to look them self's it would of saved mine and there time.
#2 Moonstone Blue HDI
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13-01-2014, 11:49 PM
(This post was last modified: 13-01-2014, 11:51 PM by Just Sean.)
And to that end
Switch on/screw the nut/start sparking
fella
troops
A few that i like to use
It'll be alreet
It'll do a trip
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Theres some good ones there, a couple more I'd like to add.
"out of scope activities" = Its not officially anybody's job but some poor fucker (usually me) is gonna have to do it.
"hurry up and wait" = Why was it so urgent for us to get somewhere to stand around and do nothing?
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One pearl of wisdom from my school this year
"dont be a sage on a stage, be a guide on the side..."
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'sort ya life aart' - you're f**king useless aren't you
'it's been 600 seconds now, where is it?' - i havn't asked for it but i thought you'd have used your telepathy and made me one
'i've got a nice cleaning list for you' - it'll have a thousand jobs on it, most of which are impossible, a lot of which are dangerous, and i can't be arsed so...
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"We've had a quiet week" when you've been working your bollocks off
"We've got to increase our customer base" when we've just lost a few customers due to shitty customer relations in a department out of your control
Disclaimer: The above is not to be taken to heart and is probably a joke, grow up you big girl.
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'This customer is one of our biggest' - This customer is a class A nut job and is likely to kill you...
'Can you take a look at this and put down some documentation for it' - f*cked if I can work it out, can you do it and let me know how???
'It's a case of in and out' - This job is going to be a twat, nothing will fit, customer doesn't know what they want...
(16-05-2016, 10:45 AM)Toms306 Wrote: Oh I don't care about the stripped threads lol, that's easily solved by hammering the bolt in.  Nanstone GTD5 GT17S - XUD9TE
Volvo V50 D5 R-Design SE Sport - Daily cruise wagon.
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Ive not been trained in that.... = Im a lazy bastard and will off load everything i can
i dont feel well... = suspects be given a hard job or job with responsability and said lazy bastard goes sick next day
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"We're not covered by our insurers to do that" - Don't know how/can't be arsed...
"Regulations say we can't do that" - I know I can do it, but I don't want to, so I'll make up some bullshit so I don't have to.
(16-05-2016, 10:45 AM)Toms306 Wrote: Oh I don't care about the stripped threads lol, that's easily solved by hammering the bolt in. Nanstone GTD5 GT17S - XUD9TE
Volvo V50 D5 R-Design SE Sport - Daily cruise wagon.
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"This HAS TO be dispatched today" hurries to test product, sits in stores for months. That's a common one
"Richard is going to kick my arse if this is late " I've been told off by the boss and therefore will treat everyone like shit because I'm in a mood
Current stable
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'99 306 gti6
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It's not my job.....this really fucks me off!
![[Image: untitled_zps1adc0365.png]](http://i1038.photobucket.com/albums/a468/167gti8/untitled_zps1adc0365.png)
138 BHP XSI
(21:20:51) Just_Sean: i had a pokey bum wank in the bath once and i shit you not, i burped a bubble
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(13-01-2014, 10:15 PM)306carter Wrote: "Then we are singing from the same hyme sheet."
"End of chat"
"By hook or by Crook job needs to be done today"
"You've got 2 days on this so I want it doing right. But I need you to be finished today"
That's a Monday talk with my boss.
Classics, are you sure you don't work in my office?
Nip it in the bud
Let's put this to bed
![[Image: sigjpg.jpg]](http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f32/cassandra--gemini/sigjpg.jpg)
Serious.
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