(15-01-2013, 09:00 PM)kentiiboii Wrote: Reason I don't think moving out will be good for you is Becuase you'll have a lot of stress to cope with. I know for someone normal it can be a lot to cope with never mind someone in your situation. The best thing for you to do would be small steps take your time. But talk to your mother first.
Your granparents inheritance would be better used for when you have a family.
But it'll be less stress than being here, thats kinda the point. I know whatever I do I will get stressed/anxious etc.
But just using today as an example - I couldn't get up till rents had left at ~9.30ish.....didnt realise stepdad had only gone for a fag so he came back in and didnt leave again for hours - it wasnt worth the hassle of trying to get breakfast with him in and out, so i didn't. When he finally left I got the washing on and started washing up - in a panicky mess thinking he was coming back at any minute. Two loads of washing and drying - 3 hours panicking! Then realised that I'd over panicked so much i was late for my Nan so grabbed a sandwhich and headed down there to do a few things - by this point my guts are in a mess, and walking nans dog and doing some housework when all I wanted to do was sit still was not fun. Anyway, then it got to 4pm so I was worrying that stepdad would be home before I could get my dinner so I rushed home from Nans. Heard bass and a car door just as I got in - f*ck, he'd come home even earlier than usual. Cue panic again, resulting in needing the loo, again. Ok so now starts the 'trying to get dinner with other people here' panic. Thought it wasnt worth it but remembered I hadnt had breakfast so couldnt really skip dinner too. So turned on the oven - went through to start sorting my dinner and he followed me in, watching me, cant deal with that, left it, and he sat back down. Attempt number two, getting dinner, on the tray, just going in the oven he comes thorugh again, decides to also get dinner at EXACTLY the same time (lost count of the number of times Ive asked them to just wait till ive done). So anyway, I put mine on for a bit longer than his so he can FO out the way before I need to be in there, overcooked is better than undercooked anyway. All this 'agro' has caused the guts to start up again, feel bad but can't go at all (house is quiet, other people might hear...my brain decides to not allow me to get rid of the poo as thats clearly a good idea, thanks brain). He dishes up his dinner and sits dwn, mines ready, so i go and sort it as quick as I can and bring it to my room, no way am I sitting in the awkwardness in the lounge, especially while he watches gory hospital programmes while trying to eat! So yeah, 5 mins into my dinner, remember I couldn't go earlier? Well yeah its decided its URGENT right now - so eat the rest of my dinner in 5 mins panicking about shitting myself, finish it and go to the loo...well that was a waste of dinner, or was that lunch that came out, either way, wasnt worth it as it wasnt in there long. Finish there then go and wash up worrying that he'll come through or that mum and sis will come home - thankfully they didn't. Another trip to the loo after that, then I've spent the rest of the evening in my room on here - haven't stopped shaking yet. So basically I've got through another whole day and achieved nothing again, and this is pretty much what happens every day now. I guarantee the stress levels would be reduced if I wasnt here! This is what bad change did in the summer, I'd got a routine and reasonable stress levels before circumstances changed for the worse yet again.
I won't have a family. Dont like babies at all (no offence anyone that has them lol) and I certainly wouldn't like to think that I'd have a kid that ended up like me. Wish my parents had had the same idea.