Time for a Fresh Start - Updated Page 3, Jan 2013

[Toms306]

Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but wake up one day with a positive mental attitude and go somewhere and do something. Go somewhere new, try something new, meet someone new? But basically grow a pair one day and get adventurous. You're not going to get anywhere if you ask people on the internet for advice, everyone's is contrasting.

Pick and end game, say for instance moving out of the house. What do you need for that? Money. Where do you get that? Work.

Maybe spend a day pootling around dealerships/garages, you said you have experience with Ford. Mention that to them, ask if they can get you on their insurance as an observer or unpaid work for a week to get into the swing of things. What you'll find is, if a place likes you, they may well offer you a job. But if you've offered to work for free (i know due to insurance etc a lot of places can't bend the rules) then they're not losing anything with you being in the workshop.

And worst case scenario, it's a bit of recent experience to put on your CV.

I don't think I'll ever be adventurous lol, and going somewhere new uses fuel which I can't afford - as does meeting someone new, but I wouldn't even know where to meet people? I know normal people go clubbing or go to the pub but theres no chance of me doing either of those so where could I meet other people? Car meets (local dubgen) or cruises (IMCC) possibly, but it was so much effort going to those that I gave up as it just wasn't worth it tbh.

As for the bit in bold, that IS the catch 22 that I tried explaining in the first post. I know I need money to move out. I know I need work to earn money. I know I can't work while I'm here due to the distance from a job and the other people in the house - but to solve that I need to move out, which I need money for, which I need a job for....aaaaaaaargh lol! There just doesn't seem to be a way out of this hole which is why I just end up going in circles.

As for working at dealerships, it's not really possible due to the distance from them and the amount of fuel I'd end up using - if I lived in town it'd be ideal for that. However I did try it last year and wrote to the major dealers (Pug, Citroen, Ford, Seat, Audi, VW and a few others) offering them free work to gain experience and just received letters from some saying they didn't need/want anyone else, and recived nothing from the others. The other issue if I did get somewhere like that is they all send the apprentices away for training (miles up North or down South, nothing remotely close) and I wouldn't be able to travel that far at all in my current situation. It just seems like theres always something in the way no matter what I try to do.

You need to seriously address things with your Mum. You say you need the physical support and that's the best place to start. I don't know her, and I understand that families can be a massive pain in the arse, but you have to start with someone close to you who loves and cares for you. Sit her down, tell her to listen to you, or if you can't face it then write it all in a letter. That way she can't 'forget' because it's there in black and white. YOU need to make her listen.

Your persistent worrying of job/money/moving etc is just making this worse. I do understand that over-thinking is part of the problem for you, but you really do just need to CHILL. You're putting so much pressure on yourself to make these things happen, and panicking about how to do it all. STOP. It's going to take time, and you literally need to take things one day at a time. Breathe, relax and breathe some more!

You need to set yourself smaller goals to start with. Something as simple as driving a mile further than you normally would, walking in a direction you wouldn't normally take. Little things like this will seem massive once you've achieved them, and will do wonders for your self-esteem. You'll see that with patience you're able to cope. It may sound like a cop out, but as you're seeing for yourself, these big goals you have are causing you even more anxiety. Think big, but start small.

I do, and forever will, advocate seeking professional help. I have on numerous occasions refused counselling myself because I'm not comfortable with that situation, but I talked to my doctor and that was enough. Every time I go see her now for whatever reason, she still asks me how I'm doing with everything that happened 5+ years ago. There's various medical routes that can be taken, but YOU are the only one who can make the progress. All this 'doctors don't listen' is shit. Yes, some aren't as sympathetic and don't take enough time to listen, but there are others out there. Change your doctor, go to a clinic, phone a helpline, whatever. There will be someone to listen.

A very different example but proves my point anyway: For around 2 years I was consistently catching colds/viruses and struggling to shake them off. I literally had a cold for over a month at one point, and was off school/work at least one day per month. I saw my nurse practioner, who suggested that because of things going on in my life (my Mum was battling cancer whilst I was taking my A Levels) she though it was all in my head, and I needed counselling. I saw her quite a few times to be met with the same reaction. Finally, 2 years later I got fed up and saw the head of the surgery with my Mum. He diagnosed me with Coeliac Disease, and since changing my diet to cut out gluten I have had 2 sick days in 2 years. So she didn't listen, but someone else did!

My Mum's not really a supportive person lol, and we're not particularly close either so I don't really think she's the best person to help. Her idea of support is essentially bullying, or belittling the other person until they do what she wants - which probably does work with 5 year olds, unfortunately she hasn't changed that plan of attack since though. Unfortunately she also lacks any sort of positive mental attitude, moans a lot and complains about being bored constantly when shes at home...yeah, seems familair lol.

I understand your point about the fact I should just chill...but if I could do that I wouldn't be in this mess for a start lol. But the reality is, I don't have money now, I need a job now and can't afford to wait and hope things change in the future, things do have to change soon because theres not the option to just sit around waiting. This is what I've done for nearly 6 months now, taking each day as it comes as I can't really face the idea of the future but thats partly why nothings changed, as it turns out to be quite easy to 'waste' days doing small things that don't contribute to the longer term future.

I totally agree about the big goals causing anxiety instead of helping though, and I do try and do small things and I guess they do help, but as its small things over a longer time scale just don't see the changes, but they are there looking back.

The 'latest' doc I saw was an older lady who was surprisingly patient and understanding, which made a change from the arse that i saw the first time round lol, so i know there are some that can listen now. The thing with Doctors though is I just can't see what they can do - they can give me pills which I can't swallow. Or they can send me for CBT, which may or may not work, but I am on the waiting list for already. Apart from that, what else can they do?

Just read through your last post tom! You've just said your solution!
Breaking the golf!

Buy a car break it that's something to do! Plus at the end you'll make money! Rent a local garage from council not too expensive and if you have money just use it to buy a scrap car . That way you have things to do to keep you occupied and you can eBay everything so you make money and don't really have to see people. Just need to go pick the cars up .

I have thought about it Kent, as it'd make me some money, give me something to do and increase my car experience. But its not the right time of year unfrtunately, and my Nan doesn't want another car stuck in her garden for weeks so i've got nowhere to store one anyway. So that idea isn't really possible unfortuantley. I did think about buying broken cars to fix and sell on as well, but insurance wouldn't allow me DOCs and I dont have a trailer licence to move non-runners so thats out as well.