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Registration Date: 17-12-2011
Date of Birth: Hidden
Local Time: 27-05-2024 at 04:59 PM
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Daniel306's Forum Info
Joined: 17-12-2011
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Additional Info About Daniel306
Sex: Undisclosed
Location: Highlands, Scotland
Bio: TWO COWS !!
You have 2 cows, and the State makes you give one to your neighbour.
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then
throws the milk away...
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has
dropped dead.
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the
roads, because you want three cows.
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a
clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows.. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners
for storing them.
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you
have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and execute the
newsman who reported the real situation.
You have two cows. You worship them.
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and
go for a few beers to celebrate
You have two cows. The Government says you have to buy a license to milk
them, but first you have to do a risk assessment, which only the
government Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5 times the
cost of doing it. They find that the three legged stool is a risk under
health and safety. You have to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that
is designed to support a milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy
to carry. The stool exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4
kilos, which just happens to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift
the stool from one cow to the other you therefore need a special (EC
approved) trolley. The new stool and trolley are so expensive that you
have to mortgage one of the cows to pay for them and pay for the
mandatory training course you must take to get your license to milk the
cows. You sell your milk to the supermarket chain that pays you sod all
for it, and then they sell it to their customers for four times what
they paid you. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful
they are to support British Cows. The rest of the world thinks your cows
are mad but you and your cows know that it is not true and anyway the
rest of the world have no intention of identifying and counting their
mad cows so people in other countries don't know their cows are really,
really barmy do they. You sell your cows to a Polish itinerant worker
and your farm to a Russian 'investment bank' and then you leave to buy a
villa by the sea in a country where it is sunny and the cost of milk is
a tenth the cost of milk at home.